One More Hit..

I’m thinking, I’m sinking.
I’m revolting, don’t argue.
Please. Fingers black with rubber,
for wire, for a few minutes of ease,
of escape, of pleasure.
My costly treasure.
Its burning my soul.
Its killing my mind.
Scared they will find me.
But I keep on. And on. And on. And on. And on…
and on and on and on and on.

Let me go, I beg,
but no one will hear. I don’t say it out loud.
My eyes will tell you, and so would the
festering guilt that wraps its
swollen knuckles around my voice.

Waiting for the day I feel good.
But while I wait, I will just have a
bit more.
Just enough so it will keep me alright –
just for tonight. Just alright so that I don’t
feel what it would feel like if I didn’t feel okay.