I heard his motorbike pull up onto my drive way. My first thought was not complimentary as I had an idea in my head of the biker type. Egotistical. Compensating. Grubby.
I had advertised for tenants. And he was the third person I was having to make small talk with that day.
He was shy and struggled to articulate answers when I asked questions. But I wasn’t listening, really. He had the biggest most beautifully alluring eyes I had ever seen. I had also decided I liked girls and was in the tail end of a whirl wind type thing… so was momentarily confused at my lack of solidarity in my ferocious decision never to date another man.
He was grubby. He is a mechanic / engine builder. But there was a kindness about him that made me want to peel his brain apart layer by layer so that I could know him better. He has hands that are as beautiful as his face and his mind, and the enigmatic lure that I am sure he wasn’t even aware he was dangling.
Its been 9 months now. We are opposite in just about every way. He is quiet and talk too much. I want to ninja chop everyone in the throat and he wants to avoid the conflict all together. But we work, and we work well, because we matter to each other. We iron the small things out and set the big things on fire, and then we have supper and watch a movie.
He is my safe place. We now live together with out tenants in a not so cool house in a slightly dodgy area, but we have ‘our’ space now and ‘our’ routine. And for the first time, ever – I have looked at someone while they are asleep and been grateful for how much I mean to them, and how much they mean to me. There is something so magical about knowing, with out doubt, that the person who sits with you, sleeps beside you and who stumbles around half asleep in the morning bee-lining for the kettle – is the person who you were meant find. The soul that you were meant to connect with. The human with the flaws that you are meant to love and adore.
My James. I do love you. To the stars and back. The stars that are too far away to see. Behind the sun. Next to the star ship enterprise. Where Chewy lives, while he stares at Princess Laya’s cosmic cleavage. That far. Thats how much.