Seriously?

The Plan:

  1. My brother Mark would arrive at my place at 6am to collect James and deliver him to bus station buy 7am for a 7.30am bus to KZN
  2. I would then get Mark to a hospital by 8am so he could have blood tests.
  3. I would be delivered back to my door step and Thursday would be spent calmly doing what one does on a Thursday.

What Actually Happened:

  1. I phoned Mark at 5:40 to check if he was awake. He wasn’t. He denied it, and arrived by 6am, and then confessed that had I not called he would still be asleep.
  2. I spent at LEAST twenty minutes trying to find the name of the bus depot on the GPS. On my phone. Phoning the bus liner, only to put on hold for 27 minutes.
  3. We arrived at bus depot. Except we were on the wrong side of the highway.
  4. We make it around to the correct side and there is no Translux office.
  5. I have a monotone altercation with a different bus liner staff member because apparently talking to me was beneath her because I mentioned a different liner.
  6. Time is ticking and I am starting to have a meltdown. Mark on the other hand is happy because he got to buy an energy drink and having been to a serious gym session two days ago was walking like his legs were made of sort of bendy plastic… but smiling and if I didn’t know him better I would have assumed he was tanked drunk.
  7. I eventually get through to someone who actually knows whats going on and she tells me we are in the wrong place all together and that the bus stop we need to be at is about 4km back the way we came. At this point we were pulled over on the side of the highway, hazards on and I was furiously having a smoke wishing I could reach through the phone and KILL someone. Anyone.
  8. So off, we go. The Translux bus office was not even open.
  9. A security guard tells us that we have missed the buss by about 5 minutes.
  10. I phone Translux AGAIN and after being on hold AGAIN for eternity, I am told that all buses are now fully booked until the 25th of December.
  11. I had a moments silence. Long enough to be able to gather myself together enough not to kick holes through the vacant office doors.
  12. I phone a different bus liner, the SAME bus liner who’s staff member had dismissed me… and surprise surprise, they had tickets available a few hours later – leaving from the ORIGINAL bus depot we were at.
  13. Mark and me both responded with a resounding ‘I am Hungry’ and both looked over at the burger place. We have missed the bus and the next one is hours away so, seriously, lets eat. Mark had missed the blood test window and James had missed his bus. So breakfast was in order.
  14. We all shoved food in our faces with very little chewing involved.
  15. Back to ORIGINAL depot, and into the Greyhound Bus Liner ticket office.
  16. Remember ME???? I ask the woman sitting behind the counter. She looked at me with a blank particularly daft expression and asked me ‘Where is your ticket?’
  17. Again. Another moments silence to reign it all in.  In very slow syllabic type calmness, to be sure that she understood – because I was out of ‘moments’ in which to force myself not to freak out, I answered: I – MISSED THE OTH-ER BUS. I HAVE BOOKED A NEW TICK-ET BY PHONE. I NEED YOU TO GIVE ME A TICK-ET.
  18. I handed her my card, she mumbled something and then handed James the ticket and she even smiled.
  19. We left James at the bus station, happy that crisis had  been averted. Or mended. Whatever. Mark and I started talking about a psychology/brain related subject and he was so focused on what I was saying that neither of us noticed that he had been looking at me for WAY too long and needed to paying attention to the car who’s rear end we were about to kiss. It was then decided that he would not look at me at all.
  20. Just as we were nearing home, Mark gasped like someone had just hot pokered him in the intestines. I freak out ‘WHAT?????’
  21. I forgot to feed the dogs.
  22. Seriously, Mark? Only mom does that. You just did ‘a mom’. So? Go feed them, I am the only one on this roller coaster that didn’t actually have anywhere to be by a certain time.
  23. I attempted to light and smoke a cigarette while fending off a GIANT.. and I mean GIANT German Shepherd, and a over eager tank of a Labrador.
  24. Mark managed to get them fed before he dropped me home and left to go do whatever it was he had to do.

So. I am home now, and am currently drowning the sound of tantrums next door and barking dogs on other side out with my playlist. It is deafening – but most pleasing – and I am sure just as annoying to my neighbors as the sound of a child screaming because it cant have what it wants is to me.

I officially hate Thursdays.

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