My Baby Brother

10304772_340048819490270_5398657873059794630_n

For those that are following you will know that I recently had a falling out with my family. After many discussions…  I was told to leave them alone. Not in an ugly way – but just so they could all…   understand what was going on.

I wrote a strong worded email to my youngest brother describing my disappointment and how I refused to stick my head up his butt in apology – because…  I will always be Sam. I will always be someone who has a temper and my impulse control will always be a bit unpredictable. I love him for who he is… and he must offer me the same courtesy – or nothing at all.

I wrote a gentler letter to the brother that supposedly wrote me off. ..  He decided to write me a poem. Because he believed that was ‘my language’ and that alone made me tear up. He apologized for how not poetic he is… but it made me cry none the less…. and its brought me peace in the knowledge that we all see and feel differently and that is more than okay.

MY SISTER

My sister has the capacity to love deeply

My sister has the capacity to feel true empathy

My sister has the capacity to sacrifice selflessly

My sister was my hero

My sister taught me how to be creative

My sister played drawing games with me in the car

My sister made me laugh every day

My sister defended me when I couldn’t defend myself

My sister understood me when no one else did

My sister jumped in puddles with me just because we could

My sister went through some things

My sister struggled alone

My sister became distant

My sister started to drink a bit much

My sister needed me to rescue her

My sister got married

My sister moved away

My sister and I grew apart

My sister came home

My sister brought demons back that I couldn’t rescue her from

My sister gave up on herself

My sister gave up on us

My sister was still my hero

My sister became thick skinned

My sister forgot about me

My sister battled her demons with drugs

I watched my big sister fall apart

I felt helpless to save her

I hated to see her broken

I hated myself for not fixing her

I hated myself for being ok when she wasn’t

I got married

I love my wife

I had kids

I love them endlessly

I tried to help anyone I could because I couldn’t help my sister

I tried to understand what my sister was going through

My health failed me

My health failed me again

My worst fears nearly came true

My life nearly ended

My only way trough it is to let go of the struggle to help everyone

My only regret is that it means leaving my big sister alone with her demons.

Advertisements

12 thoughts on “My Baby Brother

  1. That’s so beautiful that I’m almost at a loss for words. Bemused is right – begin repairs as soon as possible. Though they can’t understand what you’re going through, they must accept that you’ve got problems. Helping them with accepting that is a good start. Communication is the key.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. What an incredible poem! It filled me with so many feelings. I understand his pain. I have tried helping people my whole life and it really wore down my health. I also understand your need to be accepted and loved as who you are. The complications of life. I hear the love on both sides. I will be thinking of you as you negotiate these relationships in the future.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I hope things are well now as this was posted some time ago. I had to myself let go of my family, for some of the same reasons and for others. Though personally I don’t look back, I’m glad I have my mother and sister, and by extension her kin.

    J

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s