Just Sad.

Intellectually – it’s easy to acknowledge that there are so many different types of people in this world, and that those different types are necessary to make it all work – all go around – all turn, so to speak. It takes the hard asses, and the soft gentle types to make the different things happen in the different ways they need to. The designers, the engineers, the thinkers, the artists, the care givers, the fringe wall flowers who freak out if you make eye contact, and the number crunchers who freak out of you don’t make enough eye contact.

This last two weeks though, I have wished I knew nothing about the world. I have wished I was ignorant, and that I could say that I had never traveled, and that I had never had the opportunity to form any opinions on anything really – other than what flavor milkshake I like best maybe.

I have been through my fair share of pain (to put it mildly) at the hands of people. Strong people. I like to think that much of the strength I have today is a direct result of what my personality type did with all that. Because I am, admittedly, a pain in the ass little shit. I am arrogant, rude and downright obnoxious when I want to be. But I am also (when I want to be) kind, and patient and endlessly caring. Granted, its usually aimed at old people and animals…  and not much else in between but still – I can, is the point.

his world, is so full of ugliness. So full of the disgusting, the vile and the hideous. And the thing I find almost enviable is just how many people are oblivious to just how much filth they co exist with. The degenerate and constant sickness that can’t be fed fast enough fills the heads and hearts of more people than I believe any of us could process. There are people who rape, torture, cause physical pain simply for fun. Hurt children, small innocent children – for pleasure. And then there are people who seek out those people, because they share that common foul kick.

I am angry and sad and now I am grateful I don’t have children. I am grateful that the hatred of humanity and what it is capable of that festers inside me is not something that I have to hide from a child or try to protect it from. I would be a venomous mother and my children would have NO friends.

I see these posts on social media about these utopian structures where everybody gets along and lives in a society where we all have a place and a job and we are all educated and for the longest time no one has understood why I laugh at the idea. I don’t laugh because I think it’s funny – I laugh because I think its ridiculously unrealistic. It could never ever work – simply because unless you can suck human nature out of the human being – there is no point in even trying. We are masters at destruction, of ourselves and of others. Love is not a cure. Nor is equality. Those two things are so far down the food chain in importance when you step back and look at the worlds rapidly malfunctioning moral compass (which I personally think is just there for decoration now) – that when you see just how insignificant they actually are – you realise that the bigger problems are violently more oppressive.

Cartoon Network – a children’s channel – is a good example. I forget the name of the show – but basically two creatures got naked, and then tried the whole episode not to die, which basically meant killing other things in bizarre ways and discussing different ways of dying (while naked). When I was a kid that would have been unacceptable. I watched tweety bird and Sylvester…

Nothing shows a man’s character more than what he laugh’s at. — Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

This has always rung so true for me. The comedian Jimmy Carr (no I don’t mind naming him) – I find him to be revolting. He jokes about things that simply aren’t funny. That demonstrates a complete lack of maturity and for me that means he swims in the shallow end of the gene pool with all the other men and women who find is warm and cozy in the shit filled waters where every other low life dwells. The fact that people pay money to listen to someone joke about things like miscarriage and abortion and rape and mental retardation makes me ill. Have an opinion sure, but mock people? No. The fact that man will take his girlfriend to see a show like that knowing that the man telling the jokes has zero respect for women is also abhorrent to me.

But he is a strong man, right? I mean he has money and a following so he is a strong personality, worth the interest, right? He is one of the cogs that makes the world go round? Right?

No. Ricky Gervais is though. I respect him, because he will speak out for animal rights and his empathy is inspiring. I wish there were more high profile people who  made statements that were more about personal conviction for what is right – than publicity motivated.

I hate racism. I hate homophobia. I hate classicism, sexism, all the ism’s and the labels. I hate it. I don’t care what colour you are or how much money you make or if you are gay or straight or can’t decide. If you are a dumb ass, then you are just a dumb ass. If you are a good person then none of it matters either, and none of that should matter to you. If you are an intelligent and kind person you won’t laugh at the pain and the misfortune of another human being. And if you are a good and kind person then you will also know that judging the value of someone else’s pain against yours is not your place.

Those that inflict pain – for pleasure – for sport – I can’t even start to understand that. I won’t lie– If someone gave me license to kill people who harmed children or animals – those that did it for pleasure – I would. In a heartbeat. Gleefully. Truth. But there would be no pleasure. Just a systematic eradication of a disease. No need to name it, treat it, record it in history. Just get rid if it.

I feel heavy with the helplessness.