Gone.

… after she died I breathed in the sorrow of everyone else.
It was so thick and so heavy. I didn’t bend.
I didn’t lean.
Or need from anyone.
I let it all unfold,
and I let them all grieve in the way
they they needed to.

Then, someone showed me the video of her dancing.
She looked at the camera and she laughed.
That laugh. The hearty one.
The one that made me so happy,
once.
I swallowed razor blades.
I covered my mouth with both my hands
and the noises that came from me were wild,
desperate,
sad,
pitiful.
I tried so hard to stop it.
So hard to push it back in.
Even harder not to be heard.
Swollen and red eyed, sticky and
salted skin. Eyes like a dragon,
and a heart like minced flesh.
I didn’t see it coming.
I didn’t say good bye.
It kills me.