Toilet Seats and Vaseline

S dashed out of the bathroom cubicles, clingfilm in hand, grinning from ear to ear. Two minutes later J comes creeping around the corner with a now empty tub of Vaseline.

‘Get them all?’

‘Yeah! Whoever invented perforated clingfilm is a legend.’

Both girls head off to wait in the dark for the chaos to begin. They giggle as softly as they can about the Vaseline smeared on all the toilet seats and on all the taps and on the clingfilm strategically placed between the bowl and the seat of the toilet and cross fingers that the unsuspecting victims are the intended bullies that have up until now – been reigning supreme.

Footsteps are heard shuffling towards the toilets about half an hour later and the effort involved in not squealing with excitement is tremendous. AND, its Olivia, the school bully.

Both girls listen intently, waiting. J has one hand over her mouth and her other hand gripped onto S’s arm, as S squeaks with glee while peering out from beneath her hoodie.

A scream rings out from the bathrooms. Both S and J stand for a moment and do a little dance and  a weird jog on the spot before crouching again. More screams, as the victim runs into more problems. Her distressed noises wake up other kids and a teacher is alerted. This only adds to the horror of the girl who has just had her butt covered in Vaseline and probably her hands too. Oh, and it is likely that her pee ran straight  down into her underwear if she did try to pee.

With the school bully appropriately ‘had’ S and J slink off back to their rooms before they are missed.


S stared with as much force as her eyeballs could muster at the back of the head of the girl standing in front of her. Olivia. ‘The bully’. Her hair was tied back so tight S often wondered how her hairline had not receded clear back behind her ears. S, content in knowing that Olivia had no idea that the drama from the night before was orchestrated in part, by the person standing behind her.

J was, as usual not standing up straight, and had not been listening when the teachers has called out her name. J was, (as usual) trying to communicate with one of the boys three rows away via some sort of sign language that she had invented and appeared to assume he understood.

S smiled and shook her head as she watched her friend smiling from ear to ear at the nerdy boy attempting to respond to her hand gestures. She was mouthing the words ‘Meet me here at…’ as one of the teachers stepped in front of her and blocked her line of vision. Instead of looking up at the teacher and acknowledging him, J simply stepped to the side to finish her sentence.

‘… lunch time. Okay?’

S laughed out loud, causing Olivia the bully to turn around. S sighed a long deep sigh, and looked over at J, who was just doing the maths on her situation, completely oblivious to the show down about to take place.

‘What are you laughing at?’ Olivia blurts.

‘Can you spell Vaseline, Olivia?’

4 thoughts on “Toilet Seats and Vaseline

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s