J looked up just as S was elbowing the bothersome bearded man with the cowboy hat square in the mouth. He shot backwards clutching his face and went the color of a tomato. S had climbed awkwardly off her bar stool, simultaneously picking up her peanut butter milkshake.
The pair was in Gallagher’s Grill and Pub, and J had yet to get S to acknowledge that ordering a milkshake in a pub was asking for attention. Attention that inevitably led to someone being assaulted.
S looked at J. “Seriously? All I want to do is drink this here shake, and I have to endure this,” S pointed dramatically at the bearded man still clutching his face, “this, THIS?!”
“S. What did you do?” J was bending to try and make eye contact with the man still horrified at the fact that he had been elbowed in the face by a girl. “Sir, you should put some ice on that. I am so sorry about my friend here, she just really likes her milkshakes.”
The man yelled, flinging his arms out as if to stop J from touching him. J shrieked and jumped behind the waitress who was stood there with a tray of fried chicken, stunned into silence.
“S?” J was still behind the waitress, feigning fear.
S put her hands up apologetically. “Okay all you nice, pretty, albeit easily freaked out people. Calm down.” S was already heading behind the bar. She pulled two glasses out from under the counter and clanged them onto the countertop. “Here red-faced man, let me buy you a drink?”
J shook her head. “Honestly S, you shouldn’t be hind there.”
S was pouring an obscene amount of what looked like whiskey into each glass. She picked up a cocktail stick and stirred the whiskey while talking to the bearded man, who was staring at her with a combination of fury and bewilderment. “I just get cranky sometimes. You understand right? Here, drink up.” S held out the peace offering to the man.
He just stood there.
S tried again. “Its on me. Drink it. I’m saying sorry for heaven’s sake.”
The barman had appeared next to S, panicked that she had helped herself, “You do have to pay for those.”
S patted the barman on his arm and slid some money into his pocket. With a triumphant nod, S headed back to the man, who was now looking less like he wanted to explode and more like he needed a painkiller. “Okay, everyone relax. And you, drink your drink. Its rude not to accept free booze. It will help with the pain in your jaw too.” S handed the drink to the bearded man and looked at him expectantly.
He obediently took a sip.
“Come on now. You can do better than that. Drink!”
J sighed and patted the man on the shoulder. “Just drink it man, or she will be a pain in the arse.”
S handed J the second glass, smiling. J flashed S a look, and S winked.
J nudged the man and grinned at him. “If I finish this before you, next round is yours.”
The man lifted his glass and gulped down the entire contents of his glass. He looked over at J, who was smiling at him in a way that made him raise an eyebrow.
Man: You’re not drinking yours?
J: No. Our work here is done.
Man: What? I don’t understand.
J watched S as she poured the rest of her peanut butter milkshake down her throat. “Let’s go, S.”
The pair walked out of the bar and stood just outside the entrance. J looked at her watch. “How long does it take?”
S: He will be dead before we start the car.
J dug in her pockets and pulled the waitresses wallet, cell phone, and car keys. S revealed the bartenders cell phone and his car keys. “We are way too good at picking the pockets of disgruntled people. What did you do with the poison?”
S: Bartender pocket. When I gave him the money, I shoved it in there.
The waitress shrieked from inside the pub. “Call 911! He is dying!”
J opened the messaging app on the waitresses’ phone: WE BETTER GET RID HIM BEFORE HE FINDS OUT.
The bartender’s phone pinged in S’s hand. She opened it up to reply: I HAVE THE ANSWER IN MY POCKET. WAIT AND SEE.
J wiped both phones down her sleeve and while ignoring the pandemonium in the pub, strolled over to the counter where the barman had his back to her and was on the phone to the 911 dispatcher. She angled herself around the counter and placed both phones beneath the bar beside the cash register.
The waitress was throwing glasses of water onto the dying man’s face and was about to go into full blown panic mode.
J stepped back outside to see S closing the passenger side door of the bartender’s car.
S: Right, wallets, keys and ID’s are where they should be.
J: We must go, S. The police ill be here any minute.
S: Well planned J. Who would have thought we could get three folk all at once in the same place?
J: I PLAN not to go to jail, S. Get your ass in the car.