The trappings we drag, for the overnight stay in the damp, dark, cold to the touch; parts of the hell that we personally designed just for moments like these; when the world feels too small for how much we don’t feel.
If my skin were translucent.. you would see the demons, that chisel away at my heart, The monsters that tear at my mind, day in day out day in day out morning night morning night. You think I am strong because I am charismatic and because you have seen me fight. I am strong because … More No Room For.
I have the backbone for war, for blood soaked skin, hair soaked in red victory. Eyes bright green, manic with the dance of songs written before my time. My stomach is knotted at the thought of what lies ahead. So many broken people, who will effectively have to lay their swords down and trust me. … More Incoming, Oh YES!
Forget me knot, the tangled mess that interrupts. The silence that pushes back. The wordless forgiveness in the slack. The humanity in the tunnel vision. The peace in the quietness in the monotony of level headed dispassion. I forgot how to love, today. Was more of triggered mental delay; a test in compassion. On how … More Empty
For years I have known that I am not doing what makes my heart beat the way it is supposed to. I am good at my job. Very good at it – but by no stretch of the imagination am I passionate about it. I am a digital marketing manager. I design magazine ads and … More Anxiety Filled Determination
So, I am sitting at a pub type place with my brother and his wife a few weeks ago, and we get to talking about my drunken days. Drinking was a problem for me long before drugs were. I attended my first AA meeting before my 21st birthday – under duress, but still. He recounted … More A Brother’s Version
Close the door, please. Open the window please. Stand, in the shadow of the sun. Smile. Make eye contact with the devil’s souls. The ones that leave trails. Fingerprints. Scents. Dance. Mingle. Laugh. Breathe. Mouth the words to myself: Stay calm. Have a drink. Sink; into the temporary release that comes from the gift of … More Only Joking
There are seconds, sometimes long hours, where my head feels heavy. Heavy with a weighted accumulation of thoughts. Some unimportant, and some important enough to be worth avoiding. But to turn my back on one, means to stare at another, and the pressure is not unlike that of a boiling kettle. Steam burns brand those … More I’m Fine.
Pale, and drawn. Drawn, with charcoal, that makes heavier my eye lids, and my feet. Who are you? I whisper… at my reflection in the mirror that hides nothing. My face, that is not mine. I dance like I am a movie star, but my arms and my legs don’t move. The music scratches like … More Reflection, In the Dark
I have no intention, of nurturing ambition for the skills required, to cultivate genuine ignorance. The vain arrogance, in that stance, is not one I could or would, or that anyone should subscribe to. To be so unaware of the pain that spills into the side streets and the alleyways, and onto the bar counters, … More #98.7