So I have spent most of this week – for real – trying to figure out if you (my dear J) are more like the hot green chick who kicks ass, or the small impulsive fox who has some serious anger issues in Guardians of the Galaxy. I have watched the movie several times with a child like glee, and each time, the only thing I am more sure of each time, is that I am definitely more like Drax than I realised.
“NOTHING goes over my head…My reflexes are too fast! I will catch it.”
But being sure that I am positively too literal for my own good did not solve the ‘which cool character is J?’ problem. So, I have just merged the two in my head.
So I was thinking about what you wrote for me, and how sometimes ‘reply’ is just…. pointless at the time. But you have been on my mind more than usual this week. I volunteer at an animal sanctuary (of sorts) and there are a LOT of birds there. I had a chicken follow me around, which cracked me up because he was relentless…. and he was most curious as to why I was there and what I was doing. I had a conversation with an owl, and three other birds who were dead quiet while I looked at them and then shouted all hell at me when I walked away. YOU are the Bird Hollerer. Perhaps you could have translated.
I smiled, and wondered if I should bring you here, when your lovely self comes to my neck of the woods.
But what I do understand now, about you – which I don’t think I did before – not entirely – is that while i struggle for empathy for people, you have too much of it and try really hard to wrap it up in whatever you can so that when you bleed, it doesn’t seep back in, and sting. I made a choice, a long time ago, I think. Or… my brain did. I picked a room in my head where anything and everything that felt too much got put. .. and then, it got blurry.
A fight club of sorts. A ‘where is my mind?’ kind of mental, and you just… strolled up and held my hand. You with all your abandonment issues.
In the words of Drax: What if someone does something irksome, and I want to remove his spine?
You mean like, hurt my J? Yeah… something like that.
Love you J.